The sum of our nonsense
by emma.dan
Summary: Stan is lost on his thoughts and Kyle is not pleased. Except, he really ought to know by now what's the possible subject of Stan's pensive state. One- shot.


**Long time no see, SP fandom. So here, have a one-shot full of style nonsense.**

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The heat was overwhelming.

They had been playing videogames at Stan room for what felt like an eternity before giving up to the exhausting weather. Kyle was feeling drowsy and had his eyes closed while laying on the bed. The room was awfully silent, not in an uncomfortable way, but still, Kyle hated silence.

"Hey dude, what about some movie?"

Stan had his back against the bed and was sitting on the floor, his gaze lost in some point of the door across his bedroom

"Stan?"

The other boy blinked "Hmm? What is it, Ky?" Now Kyle was a little ticked off. For the fourth time that day. A little after they had started going out, Stan had been kind of distant; he always seemed to get distracted and it was like something was bothering him most of the time. Whenever Kyle tried to approach the subject, Stan acted like nothing was going on and dismissed Kyle's paranoia saying things like he was just thinking about the next football game, had hunger, was sleepy or something else. Kyle let it be after the first thirty failed attempts or so: if Stan had something to say, he'd just say it whenever he felt like it. But it had been a week and a half and the red-head was beyond his patience limits already. Wasn't it supposed to be different now? They were dating, for god's sake, they should be making out or at least talking. Weren't they supposed to be closer than before?

"Doesn't feel like it" Kyle said outloud before sighing, tired.

"Huh? What are you talking about, dude?" Stan was looking at him intently now, slightly confused and he realized he didn't even had answered his question from before. Kyle raised an eyebrow at him "It's nothing, Stanley" Stan got up, smirking, and sat next to Kyle on the bed.

"You never call me Stanley unless you're mad at me, _Broflovski_" He smiled knowingly at the now looking pissed off boy.

"Fuck off, _Marsh_" Stan laughed, the bastard, so he added "You're right, i'm mad and it's all your fault."

He stopped laughing and a worried expression was now on his features "Dude, what did I do?" Kyle just snorted "No, seriously, what's wrong?" He looked really guilty now and Kyle started to feel bad about it, so he clinged to his anger and throwed his arms on the air, sitting up on the bed.

"Oh god, you're such a pussy, Stan!"

"Well, you won't tell me what's the fucking problem!" They became silent after yelling at each other. It was the first time they had raised their voice in an argument ever since they had started going out and now both were feeling embarrased about it.

"Sorry" as usually, Stan was always the first apologizing and Kyle bit his lip when the silence was cut.

"No, dude, I'm sorry too" he groaned after glancing at Stan, he had this sad puppy face and was probably scolding himself for yelling at Kyle or something like that, so the red-head gave him an apologetic face "It's just... I- I guess... you could say I'm a little on the edge here."

"What do you mean?"

Kyle sighed and avoided Stan eyes, they looked hurt; still, he was a little hurt too "You should know what I'm talking about"

Stan pinched the edge of his nose, seeming frustrated at that response "Ky, I've no idea what you're talking about" he paused "Is this about Cartman making fun of us or something? I've told you already, I ignore him 'cause I couldn't care less about what the fatass has to say. Besides," he looked at Kyle, shyly, "umm, when it comes to _us_, I think the only opinion that should matter is ours."

"I... yeah, okay." Kyle forgot he was mad, he could tell Stan really meant that and he just looked too miserable; so, instead of staying angry at him, he just scooted closer to his best friend ever (and now boyfriend) and hugged him.

Summer was always hateful on South Park: too hot half day and rainy the other half. Stan had embraced Kyle as well and they stayed like that, quiet, until the rain started to pour outside and Kyle got up to close the window.

When he returned to the bed and was about to say they should order some pizza, Stan interrupted him

"Hey, I've been thinking"

Kyle looked at him expectantly and when he saw that Stan didn't seem to know how to continue, he said "And?"

"About when I turned ten... Uh, you... do you remember?"

"Remember what, Stan? The whole cynical asshole thing?"

"No, umm, well- kinda"

"Huh, sure. You ditched me because everything was shitty to you" Kyle shrugged, he was past all that. Mostly.

Stan frowned at him "Dude, I did not."  
The other boy rolled his eyes at the black-haired one "Whatever, what about it?"

"Back then I, uh- crap. It's nothing, forget it."

"What?!" Kyle was annoyed and his voice was high-pitched when he retorted "You didn't let me off the hook a moment ago and now I have to take this 'forget it' bullshit?!"

"Ugh, yeah, sorry dude. I just don't know, it's fucking stupid" Stan was looking at his feet like they were suddenly interesting. Kyle managed to control his voice volume this time.

"Well, say it, maybe it's not so stupid" he chuckled "C'mon, it can't be worse than fatass' rants about chinese conspirations."

That seemed to cheer up Stan a little and he chuckled along "Okay, point taken" he was smiling now, but when he looked at the other boy, his eyes were hesitant again, so Kyle took his hand and smiled reassuringly. Stan took a deep breath and continued "So, my tenth birthday. After that, everything went down for a while." Kyle nodded at him, that had been a hard time for both of them, mostly for Stan and their friendship. However, the red-head never told him, but he felt guilty for giving up on him back then. "And I guess you're right, I ditched everybody and- you, Ky... I treated you like shit. I'm sorry, you were right before."

"It's alright, dude, I think we're even. I kinda screwed it up too... I should had been there, you know?"

"Yes, I guess we're both idiots, right?" Stan smiled at him and continued "The point is I was being a dick and you were hanging out with Cartman" both pulled a face at that and Kyle was about to protest when Stan raised a hand as a symbol of understanding "No, I know; you've already explained it and in any case, that's not where I'm going."

Kyle looked at the black-haired boy, a suspicion raising on his mind "Okaaay, so what is it? You're killing me with all this suspense, Marsh."

Stan stuck out his tongue at his mocking tone, then he looked straight into the other boy's eyes and said, beaming, "Kyle, I love you."

Kyle deadpanned.

"Uh... wh-what?!"

"That's what I said back then. That and 'you're a piece of shit though, fuck you'" Stan was grinning, it was clear he was finding Kyle's expressions amusing. And speaking of Kyle, he was now pouting at the whole thing, it was maddening, he didn't understand at all. The sudden 'I love you' had took him by surprise and before he could react properly, Stan had said the other thing. The 'fuck you' thing. What the heck was Stan doing? He sighed, defeated and a bit angry.

"I don't know what you mean with all this."

"I was drunk that day so I never gave it a second thought, to what I said, I mean" he saw the curious glance Kyle was giving him and he laughed awkwardly, "Did you?"

Of course he had. It was one of the most stressing things he had ever experienced. He had spent countless nights rolling in his bed, thinking just what the hell was the matter with Stan. And just what the hell was the matter with _him_. He couldn't stop thinking about the whole thing, about the tingling it made him feel at first and the dissapointment at the angry 'fuck you' then. Stan probably meant it in a 'we're friends' kind of way, right? Friends loved each other without gay implications. And if Kyle got happy and went back to Stan when he said he loved him, well, that was just him being glad 'cause it meant their friendship could be amend. Yeah, that only.

And so he repeated that to himself until he was almost certain of it being true and he forgot the incident. Or so he liked to think. Anyway, they never talked about it, it was kind of a taboo topic between the two of them, even when the whole attraction thing going on between both became finally clear to them.

Kyle bit his lip and avoided Stan's gaze, "I... I don't remember."  
Stan nodded, that had been a long time ago after all. "It's just, I've been trying to recall when did all- this, us, started" Kyle raised an eyebrow at him "What? It does matter, dude!"

"No, it's okay, I get it. You just catched me off-guard there for a moment" He smiled. Stan was always like this over the little details and things most people discarded; he loved that about him. "However, why is it that you're thinking about all this just now?"

"Clark Emerson"  
"Huh?"

"Yeah, that guy who takes biology with us"

Kyle barely remembered the guy, only because he looked a bit like Kenny, all wild blond hair and smiles. Sure, Kenny's were always kind of sly or bitter ones, but Emerson smiled a lot anyway, just like their friend. It was a bit annoying when he did it in Stan's direction. "Sure, what about him?"

"Err- well, I guess he kinda hitted on me a few days ago" Sudenly Kyle's eyes widened and he all but yelped indignantly.

"He did what?!" Stan looked at him, with guilty eyes, probably for not telling him earlier, but truth be told, he was also amused with the sight of a jealous Kyle. "How the hell did that happen?" Kyle's tone was being demanding now, anger rising on his chest at the thought of some random guy _flirting _with Stan. And a handsome one, too. It was unbeareable. To make things worse, Stan looked like he was finding Kyle's reaction fucking hilarious.

"Don't freak out, Ky, nothing happened, I swear."

"Yeah, I know nothing happened, otherwise you'd be fucking dead by now, Stan" Kyle hissed at him and Stan gulped a little.

"C'mon, you know I'll never do something like that to you, Ky, give me a little credit." He looked at him with wide, sincere eyes, he was going all puppy face on him, this time on purpose; if the situation had been different, it would have worked. But Kyle was pissed. Stan had said 'a few days ago', so, was there a chance that_ that_ was the thing keeping him all distracted? But it couldn't be, could it? No, Stan wasn't like that, he was with him for real, right? And, hey, they were super best friends above it all, they always had been each other support. Sure, they had done stupid things to each other, but they were kids back then. That's what kids do, they're messy and screw around a lot. They make mistakes.

Who was he kidding. People made mistakes all the time, at all ages. Shit, he made them all the time, little ones, but still mistakes. He was making one right now and he knew it. On his defense, he was reacting like any person would on the same situation. It wasn't that he didn't trust Stan, it was only that he didn't trust people; people were stupid. That Emerson guy, for example. That was it: people were stupid and they did stupid shitty things.  
Only, Stan wasn't like most of the people. Stan was something else entirely. Stan was Stan. So he sighed and tried to calm himself down.

"I know, so just- just tell me what happened, okay?"

Stan looked at him, worry on his eyes. Kyle thought that he was preoccupied that he was making him angry or disappointed or whatever he thought he was right now. He continued looking at him with those blue, worried eyes and cleared his throat before speaking, a certain softness on his voice.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. It wasn't a big deal."

"No, it's fine. It's not your fault that half the school digs you", he smirked, bitterly, because it was true. Stan had all this great looking appearance combined with a kind-hearted nature. Almost all of the chicks drooled over him and, apparently, now guys did it too. To be fair, they probably did it before, but now that he was openly gay, they saw him more like a real possibility and not just a daydream.

Problem was, Stan was already in a relationship and no longer available.

Stan grimaced and seemed offended at his statement "That's not true," Kyle's lip quirked in disbelief, Stan was also so full of obliviousness, but he let him continue "and even if it was,_ I dig you_ and that's all that matters to me, anyway."

Now, that was not fair, how was Kyle supposed to stay mad if Stan kept smiling charmingly on purpose at him? He felt his face going red and waved his hand at him in an attempt to play it cool. "Whatever, dude, just tell me how you turned down the jerk"

Stan laughed loudly at that and gave him a quick peck on the lips before saying "Dude, you're such a jerk too"

Kyle smirked and shrugged, nonchalantly "Sure, but I'm your jerk; you like it on me"

Stan gave him a playful shove with his shoulders while still smiling "Yeah, I do" and then he said, "Anyway, it was this day that you were gone. You had this club thing and retired early of class, so I was left with no partner for the practice."

Kyle nodded, it had been only two days after he and Stan had formalized; he had an emergency meeting on his astronomy club and after school, Kenny mocked him saying that he could not possibly think of an emergency having to do with "star's shit" and Cartman had gone on and on about how nerd and actually gay he was for being in that cheap-ass club. Kyle had told him it was his fat ass that was cheap and Stan was trying to calm things down like always and telling Cartman to shut up, all while Kenny looked at the three of them amused. It had been a normal day and he couldn't recall Stan acting weird. The whole acting distracted had started later, if he remembered correctly.

"But I thought you said you were gonna work with Kenny?"

Stan frowned at that "You know Kenny, he was already working with Bebe and refused to move his ass off of their table."

"So not as much as working with her, but hitting on her, I suppose."

While Kenny was a flirt with almost every girl, they both knew he had a thing for Bebe. It was a little heartbreaking because she had a thing for him too, but was also dating a new guy every month. Kyle would tell Kenny every now and then that they were both too stubborn to recognize they could be good together and the blond would always snort and tell him to shut up because he had had to endure over ten years of him and Stan making googly eyes at each other without anything else actually happening. Stan just moved his head from side to side and pinched his nose; he knew Kenny was right and so he said nothing during these exchanges.

Stan shrugged, "You suppose right. So, the teacher assigned me Clark as a partner for the rest of the hour and he just kept on making small talk. I guessed he was just being friendly or not awkward or whatever."

Kyle rolled his eyes at him "Jesus christ, Stan, you're so blind. That guy was always fucking smiling at you."

Stan looked confused for a second before putting an irritated face "Dude, how about all the guys smiling at _you_?"

By 'all the guys', Stan meant mostly other boys assisting to the same club or doing the same extra-curricular activities as Kyle.

He wasn't interested in any of them and had made it clear to Stan, but Stan was a bit sensitive about the intelligence thing and Kyle often thought sadly that Stan was insecure about those boys because he felt dumb compared to them. Which he wasn't, it was just that he couldn't bring himself to have interest on debates or astronomy. But insecurity was a hard thing to overcome. He had the same problem when it came to his looks.

Kyle jerked in disbelief, "Stan, please, like any of them can actually compare to Emerson"

Stan's eyes widened and he retorted, his fists clenched on the bed, "So you find him attractive, is that what you mean?" Kyle could see anger emanating from Stan now, along with jealousy, and now he understood all the amused faces from before. It was a bit fun watching Stan getting all worked up for someone who didn't even stand a chance. Heck, no one ever was gonna stand a chance against Stan.

"Of course he is, not for me, but he is" Stan scowled, so he explained more "I'm just trying to say that I acknowledge the fact that he is good-looking, but I'm not saying that he would attract me."

Stan visibly relaxed "Okay- I think I get it, but dude. The same goes for me, I'm not attracted by the guy" He looked at Kyle, as if he was unsure of how he would react "He told me if I wanted to get a coffee sometime, or go to a basketball game or something." He paused.

"And then?" Kyle was controlling himself, or so he thought. Stan's face said the contrary.

"I told him 'no, thanks man', but he kind of insisted more."

Kyle frowned, anger on his features "That douche, how dare he bother you?"

"Well, I realized that he didn't knew about us, so I told him I was dating you and that was it"

"Huh? What you mean 'that was it'? He gave up immediately or something like that?"

"Yup. He's not so much of a douche after all, he really didn't know." He smiled at Kyle, complicity on his tone, "The interesting part comes after I told him."

Kyle quirked his lip, "If you're gonna tell me he proposed you something like a ménage à trois, you can skip it... otherwise I'm gonna have to punch the shit out of him tomorrow." Stan looked like he was holding back the laughter at his statement, and Kyle huffed, indignant "What? Dude, I'm serious! I can totally beat him."

"Yeah, Ky, I have no doubt that you could totally do it" Kyle flipped him off and Stan continued, laughing loudly this time, "But I swear you won't have to, he told me something entirely different."

"Okay, Stan, what did he told you that is so important you keep on building shitty suspense around it?"

"He smiled and told me, and I quote 'Really? Well, I guess we all had it coming'. I seemed a little surprised and he must have noticed, because then he said 'Come on, man, it's you and Kyle, we were all wondering when would you finally hook up'"

Kyle was a little startled too at hearing this, but then he just snorted, dismissively "Big deal, Kenny says things like that to us all the time"

"I know, but dude. Kenny is our friend, a close one. He's with us like, eighty percent of the day."

"So?"

"So I didn't know it was so obvious that even people we don't know noticed" Stan seemed genuinely astonished and Kyle just sighed in defeat at his obliviousness

"Dude, we were always too close to each other at all times. And not only emotionally, physically too; I suppose that's why it was really hard not to notice." He frowned, remembering the start of their conversation "Anyway, I can't see where this is going or what does it have to do with your great 'i love you, but fuck you' epiphany"

"Well, I guess what he said really got to me. I never really thought about it: the whole liking you in this romantic way. When I realized, it was already there, had been for a long time, it was like this default kind of thing, you know?" he glanced at Kyle, looking for signs of understanding and when he nodded at him, he continued "and suddenly, all this people, the people around us, even the ones that were far way, had known too, probably even before I started to suspect it. Fuck, even fucking Cartman knew already."

Kyle placed a hand on Stan's shoulder, he just seemed so frustrated at himself and was now pinching the edge of his nose like whenever he was stressed out

"Hey, Stan, it's alright dude." Kyle beamed at him, "You're here now. With me. That's all that really matters."

Stanley just sighed and smiled back at him, a sort of apologetic look on his face.

"I know, even if sometimes I still can't believe it myself." Kyle rolled his eyes at the sappiness of his boyfriend. He wouldn't admit he felt like that often too. "Look, what I'm trying to say here is that I'm sorry. I really am."

The redhead looked at him quizzically.

"Dude, I'm afraid I'm not following."

"Well, alright. The thing is that I was kind of a dick to you back then. Even after the whole assburguers fiasco." Stanley reached out to grab his hand and squeezed it, like he was trying to convey in that gesture what his words couldn't. "Everyone could see something so obvious as us and it took me sixteen years to figure it out. And all the time you stood all my crap without ditching me like the dense person I am."

"You didn't know back then. It's not your fault." He sort of meant it. He knew that, Stan had known, he would have never kept him waiting for so long. The taller boy just sighed before replying.

"But I should have known... I mean, it's all so clear now. That was definitely the first time." Kyle guessed he was missing something really important because now Stan seemed frantic at his own statement.

"What was the first time of what?"

"I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to remember when was exactly that I _suspected_, that I liked you way more than in a friend sort of way." He beamed at Kyle. "I got it."

Suddenly all started to make sense to Kyle, all the pieces falling into place with a click.

"'I love you, you're a piece of shit though, fuck you'" He whispered, more for himself than for Stan, who frowned slightly.

"Yeah, that's right. I thought you didn't remember?"

"You asshole, how could I not remember? I freaked out so much that I could not even sleep." Kyle looked at his boyfriend, a little amused at his confused face.

"See, that's why I'm apologizing... That time I was so jealous of Cartman being close to you, I even felt replaced. I did the worst I could have done because I convinced myself that it only a stupid thing, that it didn't mean anything. I was the stupid one, I'm so sorry that I've ever hurt you, Kyle." Stan looked so sand when he leaned to kiss him lightly on the lips and now Kyle didn't know what to say. Stan had this ability to catch him with the guard down and surprise him. Dear Stan apologizing for something that had happened many years ago, yet not quite understanding the situation now.

"So, you're telling me you had been going nuts over this all these last days?" Kyle felt a little ridicule for he had been going crazy at a spaced Stan that even when he was distracted, he was thinking about him.

"Yeah, basically." Stan looked at him, an eyebrow raised. "You kinda look troubled dude, what is it?"

"I- well. I was preoccupied you were having second thoughts on us or some shit."

"What?"

"Hey, you were spacing out all the fucking time and you barely paying attention at the real fucking world here!" Kyle poked at his ribs and he knew he was going all defensive, but he didn't care because Stan was smirking at him and he was coming closer and closer.

"Wait, is this what you were being mad about before?

"... Shut up."

"Kyle, for someone so smart, you can be a real idiot sometimes."

"Says the guy who did not saw his gay coming at all."

"Yeah, you got me there. But you know what?"

"What?"

"You're right, I've been somewhat distracted."

"You bet." Kyle snorted, he was now being laying on the matress, courtesy of Stan, whose hands were placed at the sides of his head. Both of them were smiling at each other.

"So, I think there are issues concerning to you that require my immediate attention."

"Then you should really get to it, don't you?"

"Oh, I intend to."

Kyle let out a light laugh before feeling Stan's mouth pressed against his own.

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"Hey, Kyle"

"Yeah?"

"I really meant it though"

"What are you talking about now, Stan?"

"I do love you, dude"

"... No 'fuck you' this time?

"Nope."

"Okay then."

Silence, a kiss.

"Stan"

"Mmm?"

"I love you too, dude."

"I know, Ky."

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**Because fuck sleep, really, that's why.**

**Also, I've missed this pair of idiots a whole lot more than I care to admit... Who I'm I kidding? I've missed writing them to death. You, fucking adorable bastards.**

(So sorry for the grammar mistakes you're doomed to find in here. As I've said: english is not my first language.)


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